they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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