We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
