Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
