did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just invented taco cereal.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize