I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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