but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
