she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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