I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
