i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
