apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
