fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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