On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I did not marry a roomba.
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