Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
