Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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