It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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