really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
