Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
