I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
