i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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