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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
