Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
