she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
