while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
