I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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