The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
