Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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