every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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