what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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