I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
