Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
