We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
