Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i've created a new STD.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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