I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
