im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
