Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
