Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
