they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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