spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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