a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
