We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
