I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
