$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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