Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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