I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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