I feel great
I just peed on a car
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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