I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
