Where did you get a picture of my penis
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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