Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
