You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize