I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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