Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I want a musical about memes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
