I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
