Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
