Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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