I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
