i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
