i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
