Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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