i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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