my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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