i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
