why didn't you poke me back
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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