I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
