trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
