She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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