Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize