I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
