So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
