Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
