she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
