my being single is dangerous.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm too high and old for this...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
