I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
