Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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