Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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